That is the most recent, and near final, installment of my ongoing rhyming chronicle of the presidency of Donald J. Trump, based mostly, as all the time, on his phrases and acts. Be aware: It may be sung to the tune of “The Yellow Rose of Texas.”
I get up within the mornings
And I can’t get off the bed
I pull the covers increased
However I can’t escape the dread.
I don’t know how one can spend my days
I don’t know what to do
Jack took away my Twitter toy
And robbed me of my coup.
They stole the entire election, of us —
You understand I can’t be beat —
And now the steal continues
As they inform me I can’t tweet!?!???
Geez, Twitter was my megaphone
My weapon and my stage
My motive to stand up every day
My solution to stoke the fad.
Then Zuckerberg suspends me?
And now Parler’s plug is yanked?
They’re banning my supporters
Within the hopes that they’ll really feel spanked?
Dream on, you massive tech weenies
You’ll by no means drain my swamp!
My followers will spring up elsewhere
Every time that you just go whomp!
At the very least my topics love me nonetheless
They know that I’m their liege
They’ll die to avoid wasting my kingdom
And shield me from this siege.
You understand what actually guts me, tho?
The meanest, saddest snub?
Is how the PGA introduced
They gained’t play at my membership.
Don’t speak to me of treason
Or the Capitol’s assault
‘Tis I who am at risk
My supporters aren’t my fault!
Oh, spare me all of the blather
Like “sedition” and “incite”
It’s not my fault of us rioted
As a result of I instructed them, “Struggle!”
It’s not my fault they stormed the Hill
And climbed the Congress partitions
Or stole outdated Nancy’s lectern
Whereas they rampaged via the halls.
It’s not my fault they’re cheesy
And so they wore these low-class garments
The camouflage, the capes, the horns!
Embarrassing, Lord is aware of.
It’s not my fault they shoved the cops
Or that just a few of us died
If anybody claims in any other case
The reality is that they have lied!
It’s not my fault they love me
And so they suppose I like them again
Their love for me’s my heroin
My day by day dose of crack.
It’s not my fault the congressmen
Have been cooped up in a room
Afraid that every one these rioters
Would possibly carry their loss of life and doom.
So some have been anti-maskers?
And so they let the virus unfold?
You possibly can’t blame me for congressmen
Who wind up sick or lifeless.
I gained’t be held “accountable”
Oh, how I hate that phrase
I’ve by no means been accountable
To start out now could be absurd.
Apologize? Overlook it!
And resign? You should be sick!
I vow to exit swingin’
I’m no wimp like Tough Dick.
And what about my civil rights?
Don’t tread on my free speech!
The twenty fifth Modification? Bah!
How dare they are saying, “Impeach!”
Impeachment will stoke anger, tho
And that gained’t be all unhealthy
I sharpen anger like a sword
When all my followers get mad.
My enemies are all over the place
Don’t point out bleepin’ Pence
That coward has deserted me
He’s protected up on his fence.
My employees is fleeing from my home
Like roaches chased by worry
However I? I’m going nowhere
I’m gonna keep proper right here.
This entire factor reeks of Orwell —
No, I haven’t learn his stuff —
However individuals say he’s excellent
His phrases are very robust.
You say the correct wing’s obtained it flawed?
“Orwellian” means like me?
I’m sorry, I heard in any other case
Whereas watching Fox TV.
OK, I’m getting off the bed
I’ve obtained to get to work
I by no means, ever need it stated
That every one I did was shirk.
I’ll give away some medals
And I’ll present I’m robust — I’ll!
I’ll do some executions
Trigger I’ve nonetheless obtained time to kill.
Some say that I’m deluded
And a few say I’m evil — pure
Some say that all the things I’ve executed
Is ‘trigger I’m insecure.
Some say I’m like Nero
Who performed fiddle whereas Rome burned
However, no, I’m no Nero
Trigger that loser by no means discovered …
That when your kingdom’s burning
You can not simply up and flee
You’ve obtained to stage a photo-op
And be seen on TV.
Seems in mirror, cinches tie
These Texas of us nonetheless like me
So I’m boarding Air Pressure One
To go someplace that’s hotter
And so they love an enormous shotgun.
I’ll hit the city of Alamo
To face upon my stump
To reward my large, superior wall
And cry: Keep in mind Trump!